I Had Probly Six Gin andTonics.

Wife kicked me out of bed.  Gas.  She says, "You smell."

I said, "It's the ONE holiday I drink.  Can you please be cool about this?"   She said "I know but you stink go to the den."

So I took my laptop to the tv room.  She can't tell me where to sleep  I'm the man.  Got my own helicopter. 

Let me answer your questions.

Jackie from Massachusetts, how do you deal with your mother-in-law?  You tell her to kick rocks, man. Your husband married you, not her.  He's going home to you.  Unless she lives with you.  If she does, just send her to her room.  And take her teeth as punishment she gets them back when she's nice. 

Like my shoes? 

My wife thinks they're nice but I don't know.  I answered your question, answer mine.  Quid pro quo.

Courteney from los angeles, you have two questions?  You’re like a journalist.  I don’t want Larry King to quit.  Good man.

Courtney, you also have a mother-in-law qurstion?   You’re not Jewish but shee is?  Why would managing your Jewish mother-in-law be different than a gentile one?  Are you racist?  Look at what I said to Jackie.  And be more tolerant.  

Hey Courteny, do you like my Oktoberfest shirt?

I like it. My kids don't. Who wins?

I just googled that "Like a G6" song. It's so cool.

Court, what do I think about the TSA pat-downs?  Jeez, all we want to do is fight terrorists.  I’m sorry about the person that peed, our bad.  Other than that, just get like Mandy Moore and learn how to deal. 

I need some chocolate covered pretzels.  I’ll be back.  Don’t leave. 

I’m back. 

Rick from Detroit. Your dad is a Tea Party guy that thinks global warming is fake. How do you talk sense into him? You don't. Punch him. Knock him out, get on a plane to the Grand Canyon. When he wakes up, say "Welcome to Iceland, old man. Al Gore's not so funny now is he?

Casey, where's my "Angels and Demons DVD?" Did I leave it at work?

I better not post this. Like a G6.  Like a G6.